After handing in the first version of my script, I changed some things after getting some feedback from the tutor. The main issues were the style (it was a bit too simple, since English is not my first language, it was a little bit difficult to refine the writing) and some technicalities like the dialogs and locations.
I got some help with the language aspect and Ruby helped me out a lot too. And I am pretty happy with the final script and story.
Maybe I could have specify or enquire more into Yoorok's character because I am still not completely sure about what the golden object is exactly. I had this idea in mind where the prey is not only attracted to the golden scale, but the prey sees some happy or very important memory for him/her.
But I think all of that is reaaaally complicated to fit in one minute and that the story still makes sense.
Anyways, here it is:
FADE IN:
EXT. FIELD – LATE AFTERNOON
LYN strolls along the river bank and finds a tree and throws her bag down and lies down in the warm sun. She closes her eyes.
EXT. RIVER
LYN opens her canteen to drink but it´s empty.
She goes and crouches down at the river bank. As she’s filling the canteen she sees a shiny object. LYN’s hand approaches the OBJECT slowly.
A scaly blue claw tries to grab her. LYN reacts nimbly away and stares at the enormous, menacing creature in front of her as it rears up.
In one jump, she grabs her bag and sprints through towards the field.
EXT. FIELD
Still running, LYN struggles with her bag to get out a fire rune. She sees a rocky area and turns right. The YOOROK takes a shortcut and attacks, hitting her in the back.
LYN turns and hits back with a fireball, but it doesn't stop the MONSTER. While injured, she enchants a force field between them.
The YOOROK hits the invisible wall furiously as LYN keeps staggering towards the rocks.
EXT. ROCK
LYN reaches the rocks and climbs up quickly. Moving fast, she takes the rune out of her bloody clothes.
Muttering a spell, she creates a glowing red and orange magic shine in her hand. When big enough she spins around to attack, but YOOROK is gone.
With wide eyes, she looks around confused.
Suddenly the MONSTER’s long, thick TAIL appears out of nowhere, entwining her feet and lifting her upside down. The rune falls to the ground.
A strange and shiny object at the end of YOOROKs tail attracts her attention, just like before at the river. She's paralyzed in fear.
The MONSTER’s open jaws come closer and closer.
Black.
EXT. UNDER THE TREE – EVENING
LYN opens her eyes. Sweating and breathing hard, she sits up and realizes her back is unhurt. She calms down, though still confused.
She picks up her bag and continues down the river bank.
LYN does not notice the strange object shining in the water.
FADE OUT:
THE END
I got some help with the language aspect and Ruby helped me out a lot too. And I am pretty happy with the final script and story.
Maybe I could have specify or enquire more into Yoorok's character because I am still not completely sure about what the golden object is exactly. I had this idea in mind where the prey is not only attracted to the golden scale, but the prey sees some happy or very important memory for him/her.
But I think all of that is reaaaally complicated to fit in one minute and that the story still makes sense.
Anyways, here it is:
“TROUBLED WATERS”
By
Andrea Lalanda Wrege
2018002646@student.sit.ac.nz
FADE IN:
EXT. FIELD – LATE AFTERNOON
LYN strolls along the river bank and finds a tree and throws her bag down and lies down in the warm sun. She closes her eyes.
EXT. RIVER
LYN opens her canteen to drink but it´s empty.
She goes and crouches down at the river bank. As she’s filling the canteen she sees a shiny object. LYN’s hand approaches the OBJECT slowly.
A scaly blue claw tries to grab her. LYN reacts nimbly away and stares at the enormous, menacing creature in front of her as it rears up.
YOOROK
RAAAAHHHHH!!!
EXT. FIELD
Still running, LYN struggles with her bag to get out a fire rune. She sees a rocky area and turns right. The YOOROK takes a shortcut and attacks, hitting her in the back.
LYN
(In pain)
AAHHH!
YOOROK
(Muffled)
RAAAAHHHHH!!!
EXT. ROCK
YOOROK
(stronger, louder, after a pause)
RAAAAHHHHH!!!
Muttering a spell, she creates a glowing red and orange magic shine in her hand. When big enough she spins around to attack, but YOOROK is gone.
With wide eyes, she looks around confused.
Suddenly the MONSTER’s long, thick TAIL appears out of nowhere, entwining her feet and lifting her upside down. The rune falls to the ground.
LYN
(high pitch)
AAAHHH!
The MONSTER’s open jaws come closer and closer.
Black.
EXT. UNDER THE TREE – EVENING
LYN opens her eyes. Sweating and breathing hard, she sits up and realizes her back is unhurt. She calms down, though still confused.
She picks up her bag and continues down the river bank.
LYN does not notice the strange object shining in the water.
FADE OUT:
THE END
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